Does Prayer Feel like You're Simply Talking to Yourself?
The first step in hearing God in prayer.
Do you ever pray with that feeling that you’re just talking to yourself looming over your head?
This isn’t a new problem for people, nor is it one that only few experience. But it occasionally wedges its way into my mind—and worse, in my prayer itself. If that’s not you, I’m jealous and would love to chat with you about it. But for those who find themselves feeling this way, too, this post is for you and me.
Prayer is one of the foundational pillars of the Christian life. We find it in Scripture as Paul tells us to pray constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and be faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12). Christ himself prayed often, going to the hills in solitude to talk to the Father. And He modeling the perfect prayer for us in the Our Father, also known by many as The Lord’s Prayer.
We’re encouraged to pray the first thing in the morning, before mealtimes, and before bed. When in times of great distress (or even joy for that matter). But something that I often find myself doing is going through the motions; repeating the same prayers in a way that can feel void of impact or meaning.
Like you’re crafting a letter into a paper airplane and tossing it into a dark room—not knowing if it’ll ever hit anything or be read at all, let alone given a response.
And even when I do commit to what I feel is a meaningful moment with the Lord, desparately reaching out for guidance, I’ve occassionally felt like I was simply talking to myself.
Anyone who has spent time in a Church community, Bible study, or seeks perpetual catechesis on their own, has likely heard the fact that prayer isn’t easy–to that we say “Thanks, Captain Obvious.” And the acknowledgement that it’s not easy, frankly, doesn’t make it any easier. But over time, I’ve found that there are a few things we can do to make prayer seem less one sided, and more meaningful. One of which I’ll share below.
John Eldredge’s book, Walking with God, is a series of reflections on prayer with the goal of helping the reader learn how to hear Him in our lives. He appropriately gives an example of Elijah in 1 Kings 18:41-45. My reflection on this passage was enlightening and gives me hope.
We find Elijah as he “went up to the top of Carmel and bowed himself down to the earth, and put his face between his knees,” praying for rain after a long drought.
After time in prayer, he would send his servant over to the sea to check for signs of coming rain. He came back and said, “There is nothing.”
If we were Elijah at this moment, we might feel that defeated way we often do–asking ourselves, “Am I just talking to myself?” Particularly in times of stress or uncertainty, this deafening silence can feel painful, or even heartbreaking. We can feel abandoned and alone in a time that we’re prayerfully seeking God and his guidance or comfort.
While there is no inner dialogue, we don’t see Elijah respond in this way. He just says to his servant, “Go again seven times.”
We can picture ourselves, as either the servant or Elijah (put yourself in their shoes for just a moment), and consider the reaction you might have after the second, third, fourth, fifth, and even sixth time returning to the sea and coming back with no rain to speak of.
If you’re Elijah, do you begin to lose faith? Do you begin to doubt? Do you begin to feel alone? If you’re the servant, do you lose confidence in Elijah as you trudge back and forth from the sea, with increasing frustration at each rainless trip?
But then, at the seventh time, a small cloud arose out of the sea, “and in a little while the heavens grew black with clouds and wind and there was a great rain.”
While this is a historical account of one of the Lord’s most prominent Old Testament prophets, this is profoundly symbolic of our own prayer life. Particularly in Western culture, we’ve grown rather accustomed to getting things fast–getting them as quickly as possible.
We get Amazon packages same-day or next-day. We get our food shockingly fast. We can watch whatever we want, whenever we want, virtually wherever we want.
But God isn’t answerable to us. His will does not answer to our desires or in our preferred time frame. He doesn’t deliver the result we want on a silver platter—it’s the other way around. We should submit ourselves to His will, and be willing to put our faith and trust on a silver platter to Him.
I’ve learned this requires earnest prayer; prayer that’s unceasing, persistent, and relentless. And in doing so, with patience and a loving submission to the Father, He will provide for us and give us answers. And we’ll have confidence that we’re not merely talking to ourselves. We just need to know how to hear Him when he does speak.
That, though, is a topic for another time.
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam,
Josh